The Clear Water Psalms

Blue light shone through the water of the cistern below me,  separated by a floor of thick glass. A wall of bookshelves encircled the underground palace library, stocked with volumes of ancient and arcane dialogues. Shelves lined with thick tomes and dust-covered dictionaries rose high into the dismal darkness above me. Two flights of stairs opposite to each other scaled the sides of the chamber, revolving helically, passing through platforms that ringed the walls, one on a lower tier and the other above it.

Hanging down from the high ceiling of the chamber were glass sculptures suspended by thin wires. A multicoloured assortment of birds surrounded a massive humpback whale, with an arc of glass beads extending from its tail as in droplets of water. The sculptures looked eerie in the dim light, hovering like an assembly of ghosts haunting the midnight library.

In the middle of the library, a circular section of the floor was recessed into the ground, with a glass floor that looked into the cistern beneath the palace. The radius of the recessed area was half the span of the chamber, enclosed in half of its circumference by a bookshelf wall.

I stood directly across from the Grand Magister Arca Lorrain. She sat atop the smooth plaster before the semi-circular bookshelf, dangling her legs into the recession. She had left Lady Beatrix and the Phantom Sovereign behind in the bedchamber and left to the library, mentioning that she had no longer felt restful. Those two hadn’t bothered to follow us. So here I stood, alone, directly across from her in the final hour of the night.

The Grand Magister Arca Lorrain had evaluated my brash claim in the bedchamber to be most intriguing coming from somebody like me, who worked under a mistress with no real direction in life. She had declared it to be “uncharacteristically hopeful,” that is, optimistic to an egregious level in essentially believing that all shortcomings and sufferings in life are no more than absurdities that not only can, but unconditionally will eventually be healed. 

To say that kind of mindset was uncharacteristic of me, that much was as true as could be. But then again, people are always changing. The extent of how much can change in a single day is really limitless, discounting the limits of the human mind’s willpower. So that was the excuse I used for my fickle beliefs.

The Grand Magister Arca Lorrain ran a hand through her black hair and began.

“For neither punishment nor damnation to exist in this world, and for nobody to die as nobody, purpose would be detracted from existence to the point where life and death are no different in the end.”

I considered her words. It couldn’t be that life is truly meaningless, could it? No.

“Things have meaning simply because they exist, and only because they exist. As you say, there exists nothing in this world but earth and flesh. In accordance with that, nothing truly irrational can exist, and furthermore, all things happen for a reason. Therefore, the reason that people perceive lies such as happiness and unhappiness must be reason enough to say that life is more meaningful than death.”

I paused, struggling to find something that I could say resolutely. Why would it be that just because we do live, we should continue to live? There must be a reason for that, too.

“Ultimately, happiness and unhappiness are not lies, but the opposite: God-given truths. I’m sure you’ve been hearing this all night, but to live for nothing but petty convenience, that much must be meaningless.”

“Oh? You say that to live using my powerful capability for convenience is meaningless, despite just having claimed that nothing that exists can be meaningless. I do not live for your so-called happiness, and yet how can that be meaningless?”

She laughed at me, self-satisfied and cruelly derisive. But such a thing only troubled me in the least. While she was talking, I had already come to another important realisation.

“You’re simply strong enough to be happy. You’ve overcome your adversaries, so you can live comfortably. You’ve already succeeded. You had the resolve to go against a world of enemies to get to where you are now. Although you think you don’t care about right or wrong, you’re really just always right. Not that I’m trying to flatter you or anything.”

The Grand Magister Arca Lorrain regarded me with surprise in her eyes. It seemed that I had convinced her. She began to laugh with a sense of mirth that I had not seen from her before. Maybe it was possible that this was a revelation even to her. She caught her breath.

“So it may be, then, that I too am one amongst the earthly souls of this world.”

“Don’t get too humble. You aren’t just among them, you’re on top of them all.”

“Of course, of course. So it is. Well, if that is how it is, then I will continue to live happily for the remainder of my days. I'll keep you in my memories.”

“And I will continue to live desperately for the remainder of my days. But I’ll always hope to one day become as happy as you are.”

Pale morning sunlight began to fill the library. The soft fires of dawn touched the glass sculptures hanging from the ceiling, throwing crystal glitter across the numberless bookshelves of the library chamber. The Grand Magister Arca Lorrain would soon take her leave from the palace.

It wasn’t too long before I too would depart from Lady Beatrix’s palace, never to return. It was time for me to live for myself, and time for me to find the happiness in my future that I had strayed far from since many years ago.